i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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