today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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