my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
