Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
