im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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