Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I love having hate sex.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
