She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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