Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
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Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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