she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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