I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
