just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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