That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
