i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
