I bet he comes in French.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
