what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
