we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
