I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
