I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
