NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
