He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
