I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
