Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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