In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
