Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
