I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
