he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize