we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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