Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
