Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
