His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
