I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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