I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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