I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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