sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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