I wannas sexs uuuuu
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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