A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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