I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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