i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
