thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
