There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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