angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
