she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
