Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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