I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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