I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Is it penis luge time yet?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
