Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
