we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
