I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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