You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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