I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
