Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
