The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
