My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i out mim tonsoeep
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
