I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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