Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize