She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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