feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
