I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
