It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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