yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Randomize
