Betty ford says i'm here all night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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