it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you didnt know i had herpes?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize